I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
