is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
