my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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