watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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