I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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