You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I want to fling myself into the sun
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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