They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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