those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
