I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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