I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
