i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
