love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
