I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize