This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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