i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
