my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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