Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
