You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
