if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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