I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize