idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
