you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
