As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
