You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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