guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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