Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
