he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize