I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
