If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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