I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
