Don't you send me to vm
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
