It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
