I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well you can't waste a boner
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize