The maid of honor just puked.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
