I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
