It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
