Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need water and some morals
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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