my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
