Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
