I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
