Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
