____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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