hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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