I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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