shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
