Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
