I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
