It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
These tits shall not be calmed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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