Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
