Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize