"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
