i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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