I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
