My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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