It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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