Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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