Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
