I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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