i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
