you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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