I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize