I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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