WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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