the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
