i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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