I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
