So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
