Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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