I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
