I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
