Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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