If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
